So it happened, for probably the first real time I let myself (or even felt the need to, really) be sad... legitimately sad... today.
And you know, it's not a bad sad, but just a mourning a period in our lives that, for however long, possibly indefinitely, has passed.
And it happened while I was listening to my Christmas music.
I know, right?! I'm sure you are asking, "Well, Alicia, how could this be so, Mrs. "The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear?"
But you must understand - every time I've ever heard those Christmas songs it has been in the little box context of my small town, with my family, with more of a chance of snow than I ever realized on Christmas day... at least compared to here. And I had to mourn, for possibly the first of many times, our old 'normal.'
Which will be hard for this girl who is used to - and enjoys - having a full Christmas day with family, who enjoys the slam-packedness of all of Aaron's family being in and crammed into tight living quarters for days on end. I love the Chevy Chase Christmas celebrating style... it may be difficult, but by golly, it's Christmas.
So it may mean filling our time with things to keep my mind off of it... it may mean developing some of our own traditions that don't revolve around the traditions we already had. It may mean really resting firm in Jesus - the foundation to life... I mean... Christmas or not, He's really what this is all about anyway.
And you know - I am so very grateful for a God who sees our needs and knows them, even when we don't know them ourselves. He sees and knows our circumstances in such a way that he provides - just as He promises to. We carried heavy loads for a long time... and He has lightened our burden immensely. I feel more spiritually healthy than I have in a long time... and that is good, and God is good.
I miss my family and best friends dearly - but God says that those who give up everything for Him, gain everything... and I rest certain that for His glory alone that those relationships with thrive over the many miles, probably moreso than they could have up close... because in our obedience is God's blessing.
it's all because of Jesus