You should see our house right now. Train. Wreck.
(Have I mentioned I've been tired of living in a train wreck? Well, now it's worse.)
I really have my hopes up that by this time next week we are underway on some, dare I say it, normal living.
Well, as normal as you get in an uncharted (to us anyway) land, miles and miles and hundreds of miles away from the people who love you most. (I'm still trying to cope with this. Coping is good...)
So, pardon me if my blog post ends up looking somewhat like my house, chaotic, scattered, filthy, and annoyingly unkempt. I'm doing my best. Really.
Which reminds me. I could cry a little. We're on the verge (by verge I mean, whenever I get a spare second after life slows down, so possibly never) of finding a new - good - camera (like I'm used to having), but for now I'm down to our little point and shoot which, may I mention, has a completely dead battery. And when Ansley was sitting up all cute in a little shirt and an adorable summer hat today, and the light was hitting her just right, I ran for that said camera only to see "battery exhausted" on the screen.
And I really could have cried. Again.
The battery isn't the only thing that's exhausted. For real.
Somewhere in one of these 300 boxes littering my home and personal space is that blasted charger, and when I find it, I'm going to try to hook me up to it as well.
Speaking of exhaustion - I'm not sure how you go from no to do list to a to do list that takes up 2 pages in the matter of 24 hours, but I've figured out a way for it to happen.
Oh - and, may I mention - that on the way to the new abode, hubs was driving the moving truck pulling his car when the tire on the dolly (holding the car) exploded, bending the trailer 'all to heck' (to quote a great friend of ours who helped move us all weekend). The result: Hubs and the great friends sitting for 5. Hours. 5 hours, folks. On the side of the interstate, waiting for another dolly from the company (whom I would not recommend) while, all the while, another dolly sat 27 miles from them. By golly, they could have walked there, drug it by hand to replace the other one, and still been faster than the 5 hours it took them to bring another one.
It put a damper on our weekend, that's for sure. BUT - I'm trusting that God's providence kept them from some kind of awful wreck or something along those lines. God is always good. Even in being stranded for 5 hours on the interstate (and by the way, not one person stopped to see how they were doing... and as Aaron and the good friends accounted, in that 5 hour period they saw not one cop go by. Crazy.) Thankfully - the kids and I flew down to save them the long car ride (turned longer).
And on another random piece of information... God has a way of understanding our grief and circumstances and sending people to meet us right where we are. Several times today there was confirmation that God had been hearing the burdens of my heart - even though - to be quite honest, I may have been pretty quiet, lately, about expressing them to Him.
Though I'm not angry with Him at all, and rather, have graciously and willingly followed where He has led, I've also found myself kind of numb to all of life at the moment, making it more difficult now to really petition the Lord with my needs.
But proof that He knows them anyway - and cares - I've been carrying a weight lately about not wanting to come and jump head first into a specific ministry at our new church. I carried a great deal of heaviness in our last 3 years of ministry - and to be quite frank - all. I. know. is. youth ministry. And I don't even know if I fit anywhere else. But the one thing I know about youth ministry - it consumed me - and consumed me emotionally - for three years. I love the girls in our old youth ministry with the very fibers of my being, and jumping back up into the same passion here would almost feel, well, like an affair of sorts.
So I've been struggling about having to fit the stereotypical "church - staff wife" role of serving in 1000 capacities, but wondering where in the world God wants me... all while knowing how incredibly exhausted I am emotionally, mentally, physically... and you know, even a little bit spiritually.
And today - Pastor said during his message, (which was about serving and finding your place, mind you) that there would be seasons like this. Seasons. of. rest. And I felt God lift that weight. Whether it's 30 days or 45 or 15 or 60... I feel God using me in small slots of ministry here and there, all while allowing me the rest I need and an opportunity to seek His guidance on where He needs me now. Because, frankly, without youth ministry alongside my husband, I'm not sure where I fit in the big scheme of things. This is definitely going to be a re:forming time in my life... I can feel it.
And on that same subject of God knowing... I'd made it through all of church today without a tear when out of the blue I was approached by the sweetest young woman - about my age - who introduced herself and offered to bring us dinner one night in the next few nights. Knowing what a hassle dinner is (or any meal for that matter right now - when I'd rather be unpacking, regrouping, organizaing etc, and we don't even have an idea of where to grab something to eat - which is getting old, too, mind you) I graciously agreed and thanked her.
She then shared with me that she and her family (which includes a husband and one child Bryton's age and another just between he and Ans) just moved here in June... and the move was a HUGE move for them - the first time ever leaving their families and their home town. As she told me about it big ole tears welled up in my eyes. Man, does the Lord know our needs? As much as I know we are supposed to be here - it hasn't exactly made the move easy, and here, standing in front of me was someone who knew exactly how I feel... and probably still feels the same way herself. In fact - I could see it on her face. It was like God saying, "here, she gets you... you aren't alone."
I really pray God allows me to get to know her better... Lord knows I may need her before too long.
And so there it is - my emotional saga like roller coaster of the joy of being in God's will and the proof that doing so isn't always easy. Stay tuned... who knows what may happen next!
p.s. I promise to get you pictures again... if I ever find the dumb charger... grr.