Wednesday, December 2, 2009

On Precipitation

Precipitation is so consequential. I mean, really. Check it out, here are my thoughts (and opinions) on precipitation.
Rain is lousy, almost always. Unless it's a short summer shower in the middle of an extremely hot day and it cools things off as opposed to steaming them up. Oh, and of course to make the "unlousy" category there must, obviously, be a rainbow.
Snow is more complicated. It is acceptable, and even encouraged, if occurring after Thanksgiving Day and before New Year's day. It is prayed for on Christmas Eve. Snow with no accumulation is pretty, but somewhat purposeless, thus, snow should really be encouraged to fall in heavy amounts. THEN, snow should not prevent already planned events from occurring due to hazardous roadways and being snowed in, unless of course the being snowed in is alone with my husband in a cottage in the woods with a big fire in the fireplace, then we can take that into consideration. Snow should cancel exactly two school days in any given school year, and children should be encouraged to play in this snow by making wonderful jolly snowmen and by tubing down large glistening hills.
Of course, rain and wet snow are incredibly inappropriate during the timing of outdoor events.
Hail, or "icelated" rain (haha, it's a joke), is acceptable exactly one time in any given year for the exclusive purpose of "wowing" us with such a miracle. It should be exactly 3/4 of an inch in diameter, enough to 'wow', but not enough to cause any major damage. The size should be that between a pebble and a golfball. It must, of course, happen in late March or early April, and thus, be followed by a rainbow. It may only occur when every automobile is parked safely in shelter, and the temperature must be low enough that the remains may be played with and collected after the hail has ceased to fall.
Obviously, if I was in control of precipitation, not only would farmers be without jobs, we all would not exist as we would have died of dehydration eyons ago. However, you can see my perspective now, that precipitation is consequential. The circumstances dictate whether it is appreciated or loathed. Today, it was loathed.

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