Wednesday, February 1, 2012

More Than a Conquerer

Can I tell you that when you get your heart and head set on doing something, life gets really, really hectic.  Like all of the world is trying to hinder progress, crush your dream, you get what I'm saying? 

So I'm showering the other day, thinking and trying to advance plan when I'll be able to get in my next two runs this week.  Trying to think about when I'll finish this book I'm reading.  Trying to figure out when I'll get to work on the one I am writing, when I thought to myself, "Maybe now is not the time.  Maybe I can't do this.  Maybe I should put it off.  Maybe I am not capable."  

And then, a little voice inside my head said, "You are more than a conquerer."

And that's when I realized something about myself, even when I have a dream about something, my expecting about myself is to get through it, not to excel.  I just want to accomplish it and move on, to say that I did it, not to say that I did it well. 

It's sad, at the very least.  

But yesterday I got it.  I have not been designed to merely get by.  Oh no.  I have been designed to be more than a conquerer, to be more than all I can be.  I've been designed to be all God can be through me.  It must be true that these dreams that continue to reignite in my heart over and over and over again are God breathed.  Do you know how long I've felt like I should write a book?  Or had the desire to write a book?  A very long time.  Do you know how many times I've started a book and not finished it? Several.  

I can't imagine God's patience with me.  I'm on board, and then my ADD comes out and I'm thinking about chicken or something.  Yet I'm always brought back to it.  

Inside me has lived this fear of being less than, of not being good enough, of finishing a book and it never being read, of passing out during the twelfth mile of a half marathon (or worse, the second mile lol), but in Him I am more than a conquerer.  

I don't just have to skim by by the hair of my teeth... I can do this.  I can go on.  I can continue.  He in me... more than a conquerer.  

I've posted it visually in our house.  I need the reminder.  I can't do it because I put my mind to it... I can do it because through Him, I am more than a conquerer... 

Until next time - 

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