Monday, February 27, 2012

A Brief Synopsis of Giving Up a House

The yard.  The space.  The view of the pond.  It just wasn't meant to be.  At least not there. 

I'm still emotionally exhausted from this exchange, so allow me to fill you in briefly:

We spent $260 on an inspection, that we later found would save us $16,590 in foundation repair (yikes!), approx $5000 on a new a/c unit (another yikes!), and the cost of a new stove (a conservative $500... since the one in this home had been STOLEN since we put an offer on it and HUD offered us $150... yeah, right.)  So, an additional $22,000 in expense PLUS what we'd already figured on putting into the home... around $5,000... to begin with. 

NO THANK YOU. Best $260 we've spent lately, for sure!

And the foundation company couldn't guarantee their work because the home was built on top of an underground water table and the soil was not prepared properly.  

Can we say 'God's protection'?  Because it was... for sure.  

Anyway - we are literally back to square one... except a little more discouraged than I've been in square one yet.  *sigh*  Ready to get on with life... and settle.  God's timing is best... ready for that. 

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

My Head is Spinning

I'm making myself blog today.  

Sad, isn't it?

It's mostly because I've got this seemingly suffocating stress on my chest, and I know I'm not managing it well.  {Read: I'm not letting HIM manage it well...} So I'm hoping by getting it all out there I can breathe a little more easily... or just breathe... either would be good.  

May I just say... house buying may be worse than house hunting.  Seriously.  Sure - one indefinitely leads to the other, but the stress of a fifteen day option period, a bunk appraisal, a HUD home inspection, figuring out closing costs, etc etc etc, blanketed with the fun stressors {as I so lovingly call them}  of paint colors and room themes, etc... and I'm more than ready to get through the next six weeks or so.  More. Than. Ready.  Period.  

I really feel like I'm losing my hair.  Worry causes that right?  {And rest assured, I know I'm supposed to be handing this all over... I know that His will is supreme... I know that He's got it under control... yet I feel worry still... it's a head and heart thing, ya know?)  

On top of all of the house stuff comes the stress that I'm accomplishing no real goals right now. 

I have two partially written (think: 4 chapters or so of each) books just sitting on my computer's hard drive.  I need the motivation and the time to coincide to give me some peaceful moments to write my little heart out.  But I have very few moments alone lately.  And I try not to take more than I have to at this point in our lives.  

Needless to say - I'm a little overwhelmed.  I don't want to wish my life away... but I won't be sad when this house is closed... I won't.   

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Because I Promised & You Won't Believe This

 I promised you some pictures, and by golly, I'm going to add them (though many of you have already seen them on facebook *cough cough*). 

Anyway - I'm at a loss for how big my children are getting.  Bryton is doing EVERYTHING.  I can't even explain.  We've gone to having real conversations with him.  He gets stuff, ya know?  It's a whole new world for us. 

And Ansley - is walking everywhere.  It is her primary mode of transportation, and has been for about a month.  Along with that, she's saying 'mama', 'dada', and 'bubba' - all at inappropriate times - and 'uh-oh' at all of the right times ;)  Either way, I'm counting them all as words.  {For my sanity, of course.}

 And you won't guess what happened yesterday morning.  Go ahead.  Guess.  I'll wait.

 We got a phone call saying we'd won the bid on the house. 
 I know!  Right!?  God astounds me sometimes.  We had more hope in our last too bids, that they'd be enough... impress enough... fully relying on them, ya know?  And lost out.

 This time, we had no hope in our bid (don't believe me? read my last post...) and it was lower than any of the other two... and we won the bidding.  Ah-mazing.  (Kind of like the backyard I told you about.)
 So there's a whole lot of rigmarole and hoops to jump through now, as it's a HUD home, so that should be all consuming in the next 45 days that it takes to close.  Not to mention the fact that the house needs a little bit of cosmetic work (think paint and carpet), which I'm sure I'll be documenting on here.  
 Phew - unreal.  But lovely.  And nerve racking.  And exciting.  And scary.  Phew.  Phew. 
 So that's the new news on our front.  Oh, and for more news, guess who hasn't run recently, or at all?  I'm going soon, I promise, I'll blog when I do it, so hold me to it! :)
Until next time!


Thursday, February 9, 2012

Blah, and other musings

Where have I been?

I can tell you where I've not been... on the computer.  Well, not to blog anyway.

You ever think holidays are planned the way they are for a reason?

So there's Christmas (conveniently placed after my first born's date of birth).

Then you have less than two months and there's Valentine's day.

Two weeks later is my second born's date of birth.

Then Easter. 

Then, one would assume you can breathe. 

But no.

Because then is mother's day...

And father's day...

And fourth of July...

and then our anniversary...

the husband's birthday...

and one. full. month. of. nothing.

And halloween.

And it all starts again. 

Whew.  I'm tired just thinking about it. 

So when you ask what I've been doing, I say: working, cleaning, feeding, zumba'ing', planning Valentine's day, vacations, dental appointments, first birthday parties, birthday festivities, pictures, reading, making (and completing) to-do lists, going to church, viewing homes, crunching numbers, etc, etc, etc, etc. 

You know what else I haven't been doing (ahem, besides blogging faithfully)?  Running or writing. 

I have not given up... I just have to schedule better. 

And that's currently what I'm working on.  The schedule.  But I think I may have to run week one again.  Zumba almost slaughtered me the other night. 


Know what's frustrating?  It's frustrating putting a bid in on the third house since we've moved and having a pretty good clue that you're not going to get it.  (Even though the bid is $12,000 over the asking price.  $12,000, folks.) 

You know what's frustrating?  Having an almost one year old and a house that's not baby proofed.  Finding out that listing prices on homes mean nothing.  Realizing that more than $7,000 of that $12,000 over the asking price would go straight as realtor fees (not as if we will get it anyway).  Not having all of your stuff out... for 6 months... with children.  Half of your clothing.  Half of your pots and pans (and of course, not the ones you really need), half of your dishes... half, half, half. 

Don't get me wrong, I am thankful.  Very.  God has provided us a place to be at the perfect price until He's prepared to place us somewhere.  And I know it's in His timing.  My heart just aches and yearns to be settled, and each time we feel the 'go ahead' to place a bid, I find myself becoming emotionally attached to the home. 

Like this home... it has an ah-mazing backyard.  Ah-mazing.  Large.  Fenced.  Iron-fenced on the back, opening to a greenbelt.  A view of the fountain and the pond, a walking trail behind.  Like I said... ah-mazing.  Best. yard. yet. 

But I've got the scissors out and ready to cut the strings that attach me. 

And I keep stalking wondering when the day will come. 

Always praying for His will -

Don't wanna jump the gun, or be somewhere besides where He wants us. 

There's the blah...

How about some pictures soon?  Of the kiddos?  Next post, I promise. 

Until then...


Wednesday, February 1, 2012

More Than a Conquerer

Can I tell you that when you get your heart and head set on doing something, life gets really, really hectic.  Like all of the world is trying to hinder progress, crush your dream, you get what I'm saying? 

So I'm showering the other day, thinking and trying to advance plan when I'll be able to get in my next two runs this week.  Trying to think about when I'll finish this book I'm reading.  Trying to figure out when I'll get to work on the one I am writing, when I thought to myself, "Maybe now is not the time.  Maybe I can't do this.  Maybe I should put it off.  Maybe I am not capable."  

And then, a little voice inside my head said, "You are more than a conquerer."

And that's when I realized something about myself, even when I have a dream about something, my expecting about myself is to get through it, not to excel.  I just want to accomplish it and move on, to say that I did it, not to say that I did it well. 

It's sad, at the very least.  

But yesterday I got it.  I have not been designed to merely get by.  Oh no.  I have been designed to be more than a conquerer, to be more than all I can be.  I've been designed to be all God can be through me.  It must be true that these dreams that continue to reignite in my heart over and over and over again are God breathed.  Do you know how long I've felt like I should write a book?  Or had the desire to write a book?  A very long time.  Do you know how many times I've started a book and not finished it? Several.  

I can't imagine God's patience with me.  I'm on board, and then my ADD comes out and I'm thinking about chicken or something.  Yet I'm always brought back to it.  

Inside me has lived this fear of being less than, of not being good enough, of finishing a book and it never being read, of passing out during the twelfth mile of a half marathon (or worse, the second mile lol), but in Him I am more than a conquerer.  

I don't just have to skim by by the hair of my teeth... I can do this.  I can go on.  I can continue.  He in me... more than a conquerer.  

I've posted it visually in our house.  I need the reminder.  I can't do it because I put my mind to it... I can do it because through Him, I am more than a conquerer... 

Until next time -