To My Kids, So They Know --

To my babies --

I feel compelled to write you at this point.  At this point, while you are sound asleep in your beds, favorite blankets and stuffed animals in tow, and while you think I hang the moon.  A confession - I assure you, indeed, I did not.  (Nor would I want that responsibility.)

Before I continue, allow me to first say that there's little on this Earth I wouldn't do for you.  God has given you to me as a blessing and a responsibility that I do not take lightly, and I count it joy to have the honor to be your mother.  Your smiles light up my day.  You make me laugh - that good belly kind of laugh - and you make me worry - that make life worth livin' kind of worry.  I cannot imagine my life without either one of you.

As you grow older I hope I do well in guiding you and teaching you about real friendship.  I'm praying already for the best friends that will come into your life, that they'd pressure you and guide you to only things that are good and right and true.  I pray that they'll call you out  as needed, affirm you as needed, and offer encouragement.  I pray now that God would already be giving them wisdom.  And at this definition of 'friend' - I hope one day you will consider me one.

Because, know, kiddos, our relationship will not always be easy.  There will be things I ask you to do that you will not want to.  There will be things that you will ask to do and I will not let you.  There will be times when I seem unfair, that I don't 'get it', where you won't understand the answer to 'why'.

And I hope that you know, that I and your father have taken none of this lightly.  Even the smallest speckling of decision we have prayed over.  Just this weekend I prayed for wisdom on whether to take you outside in the depth of allergy season.  Believe it or not - I don't want you miserable.  I hope that you trust us, as God holds us responsible, to seek Him first in guiding you.

So just a few things to get straight off the bat, for current and future situations:

- Bryton, I ask you to put away your clothes and pick up your sister's cheerios off of the floor not to be cruel.  I ask you to do these things (as well as both of your chores in the future) so you can learn to care for yourself and to also to care for those who can't.  I want you to know the satisfaction of succeeding at a job well done, of accomplishing a task, and ultimately, giving glory to the one who enabled you to do such things.

- Time out isn't intended to be an isolated punishment of not getting to play with your favorite things for a period of time.  It's an opportunity to think on how things could have gone differently.  It's giving you an opportunity to feel sorrow and choose to rectify the situation.  It's the chance to calm down and sort through.

- We do forgiveness in this house.  We ask for it.  We grant it.  That's why I've come to you (even at three) and requested your forgiveness from time to time.  It's humbling, but necessary, and you will be expected to do the same, inside and outside of this family.

- The same reason that we tell you now not to touch the stove, sharp knives or run into the street is the same reason we'll tell you some day not to text while driving, drink before your of age, or have premarital sex.  The stove, the knives and the street are not necessarily bad things, but with age and maturity we learn when and how to use them properly.

- Church is not, and will never be, a punishment.  As a member of our household it is our joy to worship and obey the one who loves us and leads us, and out of grateful and thankful hearts we will worship Him in Spirit and in Truth.  Our faith (as in, your father's and I), prayerfully, will be evident in our lives to the point that you'd want nothing more than to be part of it.  He really is that phenomenal.  


- Ansley - I pray there will never be conflict regarding what you wear, but alas, believe it or not I have been that age before.  Your clothing will not be made a big deal of, but be aware, clothing bought with your father's wage (or mine.. or grandmas for that matter) will be approved by yours truly.  Clothing bought by yourself with your own wage apart from your parent's will be monitored as you walk out the door.  Spend wisely, darling.  Those articles deemed 'no', do not get returned, the money does not go back in your pocket.  Don't pass go.  Don't collect money.  ;) I do want you to be cute... and we'll make it happen, appropriately.  (Mommas - and daddies for that matter- we are responsible if our daughters are not dressed modestly.  They are in your care, be responsible for them.  One day they'll thank you for this... trust me.)

- To you both - there will be no fit throwin' in athletics.  I don't care if the ump is blind as a bat, if he calls a strike and it's over your head, he's the authority figure.  (But swing at it next time ;)

- Whatever it is - it's what's for dinner.  And trust me - I have learned your pallets, both of yours, and I will try to somewhat accomodate you both in our menu planning.  That being said, there will be no complaining or fussing about dinner.  It is dinner.  You will eat it or you will go hungry.  

- There will be times that you will ask if you can do this or that or go here or there and you may even pull the "but so and so's mom is letting him/her line."  And child, I am responsible for you.  See the note above.  I do not want you miserable, but for each unique situation there will be a reason that we want to protect you, guard you or guide you... I pray that you'd trust us.  It's because you're loved.

- There will also be times that we'll SUGGEST you stay out past curfew, eat ice cream for dinner, or go  hang out with friends.  Let this be a reminder that we are not killjoys out to make you miserable.

- And though there will be thousands of other issues arise that we will work through together - let my final note be this.  This momma would go through hail and high water for you both.  I'd take a bullet in a second.  Step in front of a moving car.  I'd even risk you calling me names or despising me for awhile, if it kept you safe.  And the latter of those scenarios will be the most likely and the most painful.  Throughout it all, know that because of Christ in me there is nothing you can do to take away this mother's love.  Nothing to diminish it's value.  When you need me, I'll be there for you... to talk, to weep, to advise, or just to listen.

I've become to great things because God has so called me and blessed me to them - a wife first, and a mother.  And I consider it pure joy to be both.

For mother's day, 2012... you are my gift.

A little bit of sanity

Let's all just breathe - shall we?  That seems to be a constant reminder for me at this point.  One breath at a time, one day at a time... oh - and can I mention that we still don't even have a closing date on our home? Because we don't.  Not - even - a - date.

And our extension we signed was good through next Friday.  Everything has to be done by Tuesday for us to even have a chance to close by then.

To say the timing is... inconvenient... is an understatement.  Granted - and this is what I keep reminding myself - it could be worse... much, much worse, but at this point it could be June before we get moved due to timing and scheduling conflicts.  June, folks.

May I mention that tonight was supposed to be our first night in said house?  May I also mention that the pool was opened in our community yesterday... and it's been mid-nineties here?  Just sayin'.

So I'm doing my best here... hanging tight.  Kinda.

Anyway --- that was all to fill you in.  Let's talk about something else... shall we?

It'll get my mind off of things.  Again, kinda.

So tell me --- do you all have that 'collect all' spot?  The place where all the junk gathers?  You know, keys, mail, stray guitar picks?  Oh wait, that last one may just be our house... anyway... I'm tired of it.  I like everything to have a place, and to be honest, I'm tired of cleaning it all up.  And so I decided I needed a work space... some organization... and here was my first addition:

The dear husband purchased this roll top desk for me... a place to store my computer, work on my book (hello weighing on my shoulders... ugh) make out the bills, etc.

It has tons of cool storage and should really prove as a place for me to be able to run the household (and maybe relax and retreat a little?).

Don't mind the Scentsy box under the desk... it's one of many that has been packed (only to sit).  I'm lucky my 'new to me' desk isn't covered...

And the other day - the hubs brought home flowers.  Free flowers (even better!), and they've been hanging out on our dining room table.  The color makes me happy... a little bit of happiness hanging out is always appreciated.

Anyway - hopefully better news next time...
A

A Peace Beyond All Understanding

Seven months ago we were moving away from the only home I'd ever known.  We were moving away from family, lifelong friends, some new friends, our history, our past, and familiarity.  I went from knowing not only where the best hospital was, but several of the staff who worked there and where they worked.  We've lived here for 7 months, and I still wonder from time to time if it came down to the heat of the moment, if I'd be able to get us to the nearest hospital competently.

And you know what... it's ok.

In fact... when we first got here in September it was 'ok.'  That's a fair statement.  Though my heart was most broken our last night there... I expected to come here and be broken perpetually, for a great period of time.

And maybe it's because we flew down, and I'm unable to 'grasp' just how far away we really are (though I know in my head).  But... maybe it's just that God is always faithful.  


You know, without even realizing it I've moved from being legitimately (and admittedly, surprisingly) 'ok', to... well.  Though we live in a house that won't be our 'home', our home is coming (though slowly, ick, more news on that front later).  Though we miss loved ones dearly, God has proved faithful in providing people in our life whom we mesh with and enjoy (que the song "Make new friends, but keep the old...).  And for the first time yesterday I heard myself say that we'd be traveling "back to Illinois" at the end of May... rather than "back home," which I've said more times than I can count.

And can I just say... as I've caught myself say that over and over, I've wondered how many years it would take to pass.  Home was 'home' for so many years that it isn't easily replaced.

And though it will always be the place I was grown... the place that made me who I am and how I run, and there will always be a part of my heart ever ingrained in that little small town, right now where my precious family lives... this is home.

God is so wonderfully faithful.  In hindsight I can see the ways in which He was preparing our hearts.  I can see Him pulling us away.  I can see Him revealing the plan, taking off the blinders, and moving it on. And though it would have been easy to be bitter in the pain, because, friends, there was pain, having the attitude that He was faithful (the attitude that He gave me, by the way, not that I 'mustered up' by myself), has made all the difference.

And though I was thankful in the beginning that God was fulfilling something in us, I'm now thankful in light of the fact that He has not only proven the move beneficial for us, but I'm realizing that maybe the amount of pain felt by the leaving may have been nothing compared to the pain of staying - as we would have been undoubtedly apart from His will.

Has every moment been easy?  No.  When you are obedient, there are always obstacles.  There are always nay-sayers.  There's always Satan, planting in you seeds of doubt, in areas you'd never expect.  Spiritual battle has raged in our home.  There's been tension with no legitimate reason... and there's been trudging and praying and pleading through it.

And through it... He is faithful.  He has proven faithful.  He has sustained.  He has brought peace... healing... even restoration... it is building... it is coming.  And for it... for Him... I am thankful.

Until next time... ahem "ya'll" (ok, so maybe THAT doesn't totally feel 'right' yet) :)

-A

Pick up the pen!!

Well, boy, howdy!  It's been awhile since I've done and gotcha up to date!  I'm vowing (yet again), to not leave you by the way side for so long at a stretch.  In fact, I promised myself when we got a house and got settled I'd be a blogger everyday again... or at least three - five times a week, but guess what.  We still aren't in a house, and we certainly aren't settled.  

We are a step closer... it is, supposedly, 'coming along.'  In fact - everything, everything, friends - is done except for the person at the title company to use the muscles in their little fingers and sign the dumb piece of paper.  That's all.  And because of this... our closing date has been pushed back.  

I have every notion to call them up and give them a firm little nudge in the rear... but I'll refrain.  

In the meantime, our current home is beginning to fill to the brim with a familiar kind of decor.  You may know it as cardboard.  Lots and lots of cardboard, as a matter of fact.  Boxes being filled, all in anticipation of said closing date.  (Have I mentioned I'm so excited that it's consuming my brain activity right now... because it is.)  I'm thinking about painting the walls, about B having a big boy bed (I'm TOTALLY stoked about Bryton's room... in my head), about cooking in my new kitchen, and having extra places to 'lounge'... oooh, aaaand, I got a new "all for me" joyous item that my husband and the dear youth pastor picked up for me.  (AND strapped on top of our Ford Freestyle.  Oh yes they did!)  I should have taken pictures... instead, I'll post pictures soon of the piece of furniture that has me OH SO READY for our Olympic sized master bedroom.  (Ahem, right.)

We have also ordered a couch, made one Ikea trip (well, two, technically, with at least one more to go), scowered Craigslist for other 'home need items', etc, etc, etc.  

Come on title people!  Pick up the pen!

Anyway... (I'm very patient, can you tell?) 

Aside from that - all is dandy.  We whistle and we wait, ya know?  Church is well, kids are well, life is, well, going.  But all in all I'd say April has been better than January... and improvements should be relished.  

Until next time! 

-A