Seven months ago we were moving away from the only home I'd ever known. We were moving away from family, lifelong friends, some new friends, our history, our past, and familiarity. I went from knowing not only where the best hospital was, but several of the staff who worked there and where they worked. We've lived here for 7 months, and I still wonder from time to time if it came down to the heat of the moment, if I'd be able to get us to the nearest hospital competently.
And you know what... it's ok.
In fact... when we first got here in September it was 'ok.' That's a fair statement. Though my heart was most broken our last night there... I expected to come here and be broken perpetually, for a great period of time.
And maybe it's because we flew down, and I'm unable to 'grasp' just how far away we really are (though I know in my head). But... maybe it's just that God is always faithful.
You know, without even realizing it I've moved from being legitimately (and admittedly, surprisingly) 'ok', to... well. Though we live in a house that won't be our 'home', our home is coming (though slowly, ick, more news on that front later). Though we miss loved ones dearly, God has proved faithful in providing people in our life whom we mesh with and enjoy (que the song "Make new friends, but keep the old...). And for the first time yesterday I heard myself say that we'd be traveling "back to Illinois" at the end of May... rather than "back home," which I've said more times than I can count.
And can I just say... as I've caught myself say that over and over, I've wondered how many years it would take to pass. Home was 'home' for so many years that it isn't easily replaced.
And though it will always be the place I was grown... the place that made me who I am and how I run, and there will always be a part of my heart ever ingrained in that little small town, right now where my precious family lives... this is home.
God is so wonderfully faithful. In hindsight I can see the ways in which He was preparing our hearts. I can see Him pulling us away. I can see Him revealing the plan, taking off the blinders, and moving it on. And though it would have been easy to be bitter in the pain, because, friends, there was pain, having the attitude that He was faithful (the attitude that He gave me, by the way, not that I 'mustered up' by myself), has made all the difference.
And though I was thankful in the beginning that God was fulfilling something in us, I'm now thankful in light of the fact that He has not only proven the move beneficial for us, but I'm realizing that maybe the amount of pain felt by the leaving may have been nothing compared to the pain of staying - as we would have been undoubtedly apart from His will.
Has every moment been easy? No. When you are obedient, there are always obstacles. There are always nay-sayers. There's always Satan, planting in you seeds of doubt, in areas you'd never expect. Spiritual battle has raged in our home. There's been tension with no legitimate reason... and there's been trudging and praying and pleading through it.
And through it... He is faithful. He has proven faithful. He has sustained. He has brought peace... healing... even restoration... it is building... it is coming. And for it... for Him... I am thankful.
Until next time... ahem "ya'll" (ok, so maybe THAT doesn't totally feel 'right' yet) :)