Holding Our Breath

I've fallen of the proverbial planet when it comes to blogging.  I'm sure there are a lot of reasons... busyness, working, but I've found that I've been waiting for our tides to change just a little bit before continuing on... if only for your own good.  Is it possible I had been radiating some blog negativity?  I think so.  It needed to stop.

So how about a little catch up (not to be confused with 'ketchup', which my oldest child eats on his chicken and fries, ahem.)  Since I've written last we've looked at (as in, actually had showings) five other houses.  One was a no go from the get go.  Another was a no go pretty quickly.  The other three were all contenders. 

When I laid down on the fresh carpet in the master bedroom, darling husband figured he may want to consider this one more heavily.  I later was reprimanded for climbing into the garden tub.  (Fully clothed, of course.)  And so the offer was placed. 

I've learned at this point in the house hunting game not to even get my hopes up. 

So the offer was placed, the lone offer at that point in the game.

Then we found there was another offer, so we tweaked ours just slightly to make it more competitive (since we'd left a little wiggle room for negotiation, which we now realized, there would be none.  If the other offer was better, they'd take it with no words exchanged.)

Then other offers came in.  So the bank came back at all of us (yes, friends, another foreclosure, but not a HUD home) and told us to bring our 'best and highest'. 

I was ready to go up another $1000 (or two), but after some time to sit on it (read: stir and worry about it), our discussion concluded with hubs' feeling like we needed to remain solid where we were. 

Now, let me just say, I've grown a lot in the past six months or so.  I'm realizing that God's got this whole thing figured out better than I do.  He knows our needs and our desires and our circumstances better than I do.  He's directing this ship, and my life (and my families lives) will be much easier (but not necessarily easier, ya know what I'm saying?) if we just get on board with wherever He's going. 

And since God has put the hubs as the head of this vessel (under the authority of Christ, mind you), rather than argue with him (or as I'd like to say, "persuasively lay out the facts"), I said, "ok."  (Although I was secretly praying that when we'd lost the house it'd be by more than what I was comfortable offering, so it wouldn't have mattered anyway.)  I was trying to bring myself to grips with the fact that, though I'd nested on the floor of the master bedroom, this was obviously not the house He had prepared for us anyway. 

Then two days later the call came saying we'd won the bid. 

Really?!

And so there is the catch up... we are currently in, yet, another contract on a different house.  The inspection happens Friday, and though I'm excited about the possibilities, I'm still praying God slams the door if this isn't what is best prepared for us. 

Otherwise life is going as normal.  Getting out a lot and doing things with the kiddos... and enjoying every minute of it.  Thoroughly glad there are opportunities for them here.  Even if it's just a playdate at the library and McDonalds!

Until next time (preferably sooner than last, with good news!)
-A

It's a Cheery Random Post

'Cheery' has not actually been the adjective I would use to describe myself lately.  In fact, it'd be a better venture to say I've been a little down, a little discouraged, with all of our house plans falling into small minuscule pieces in front of us.  It's a reminder to me that 'happiness' is so circumstantial.  It's a great thing we don't rely on it... it'd fail us every time. 

Like yesterday, I had to have myself a little cry.  Okay, maybe I had that little cry twice.  It was much needed.  Getting all the 'ick' out of me through the means of salty tears, and it felt good, friends. 

And you know - the sun came with the morning.  Okay, so not exactly literally, but spiritually. 

B was running through the house this morning being his wonderful three year old self.  He lifts my heart.  Sure, he has his moments.  Afterall, he is three, but for the most part his presence is such a sweet addition to my day.  This morning I was really experiencing the 'these are the greatest days of my life' moments.  You know, the ones people tell you to cherish because they grow up too fast, and move out, and get jobs, and here you sit. 

Right now he sits right across from me, having begged me to watch Ice Age this morning.  What's a little movie gonna hurt?  His precious face makes my heart melt. 

I'm so blessed.  Blessed to have two precious, healthy babies.  Blessed to have a roof over our heads, even if it isn't ours.  Blessed with a husband who loves the Lord, and me.  Blessed with two vehicles, great friends, both of our parents alive and well. 

I've even noticed things we always take for granted.  A momma from Indiana just lost both of her legs protecting her kids through a tornado, and though I'm sure she is immensely grateful to be alive to be with her kids, it makes me realize how lucky I am to be able to run with B, to chase Ansley around, to get down on the floor and tickle my kids.  Thank you, Jesus, for legs... today. 

And can I tell you something else I'm thankful for?  This wonderfully quaint little coffee shop / bookstore in a neighboring town that is quiet, has a great little seating area, and has books stacked so high that they have the little rolling ladder to get to them.  Heaven, I tell you.  Heaven.  And it smells like books.  I have a fetish, friends.  Don't get me wrong, I love my Kindle, but there's nothing quite like a fresh book in your hands (except maybe a baby, but that's a different topic that we've already covered).  I see myself frequenting this little shop. 

Honestly, I'm not sure how something so quaint and quiet stays open in this day and age... but it makes me wonderfully happy.  So peaceful and wonderful. 

So there's my little bit of cheery random today.  A much needed change for how I have felt.

-A

My Daughter is One...

A year ago yesterday our sweet Ans came into the world at a whopping 10 pounds, 1.1 ounces, and nine days early.  Praise God.  Full term never looked so scary. 

She's a little walking ball of joy, I tell you.  Smiley and social, with just little fly-aways for hair (but more than what she showed up with!)  She loves squeaky shoes and playing with her bub, baths and playing outside.  She just warms my heart for those rare moments where she'll lay her little head on my shoulder, or swipe at my face with her little hand. 

I don't know what it is about first birthdays, but they are kind of monumentally sad... at least for what my experience has been.  It's the 'bye bye' to babyhood.  So many of the 'firsts' gone.  I put her on my lap last night and just held her for a bit, and I swear when she looked at me her first year flashed in front of my eyes... just as fast, it seems, as living it through really felt.

I can remember dropping B off at my mom's for my induction early in the morning. 

I can remember ending up in the same birthing room that B was born in.  Talk about nostalgia.

I remember updating facebook status', and fear that I'd push forever like I did with B.

I remember Entertainment Tonight and Charlie Sheen being on for the 30 minutes that I did push. 

And I remember the last minute and a half or so of fear and a stuck child.

I remember the comment, "Hon, you've just had a really big baby," by my OB.

I remember panicking, trying to figure out what that meant.

Moments later I found out... 10 pounds... 1.1 ounces.

I remember more panic.  How bad is this really?  Will things ever be the same?  Is she okay?  (Prayerfully, thankfully, yes.  Perfect.) 

I remember the miracle that came with potato starch.

I remember holding my little bruised blessing for the first time. 

And I remember going home. 

And lots of meals prepared by lots of friends.  Dumplings and Taco Soup, Casseroles and chicken.  Many blessings by many friends. 

I remember ice packs and hydrocodone.  Bless that medicine, bless it. 

I remember sitting up in the recliner with a sweet baby girl sleeping.

I remember seeing daddy with his phone over her pack in play in the middle of the night... that first night she slept 8 hours.

And then just weeks later sleeping twelve.  Consistently. 

I remember trying to get us all into church.

And putting on little girl clothes. 

And watching her roll. 

And crawl.

And wave.

And walk. 

And it's all a blur.

A lovely... messy... awesome blur. 

I don't quite understand it.  I become emotional and so very thankful over many many memories of my children's lives, but looking back over the first year of either of their lives has an impact on me that's so very difficult to explain.  To explain the great love that you immediately feel and continue to live out in those first months of a baby's life.  To bond not only with them, but with your spouse.  To adjust to life and watch your priorities take a dramatic turn... happily... there's no way to explain the joy that comes with sleepless nights... and then the joy that comes with sleeping nights.  There's no way to explain the effect of soft coos and wrinkly hands, little heads that cannot yet support themselves, little feet that have just recently been pelting you in the ribs, now so soft and fragile fit in the palm of your hand... every little thing about it is a blessing... a joy... a real moment that one can't... or shouldn't... forget. 

I had fear that I'd not experience this phenomena with my 2nd child, knowing what to expect, already loving another as I'd love this one... and a year later I can say that I didn't see it happening at the time... but it does... it did.  It's just the same.  It's falling in love all over again.  It's learning a new person... it's a new adjustment in life... and it is... I believe... some of the most precious moments we spend as mothers...

 Moments we are sometimes too exhausted... too busy... or too oblivious to see...

 But in hindsight are those that are so precious... so surreal... so special

And so very exciting. 

I can't wait to see what her future holds.