Loving for a Purpose

I've been using Jesus.  You heard me.  I've been using him.  Not even like a spare tire, I've been using him like a teenage girl uses her boyfriend so she always has a date for the dance and a jersey to wear.  It's the bad kind of using.  

I've been using Him to help my marriage.  I've been using Him to give me blog ideas.  I've been using Him to help me parent.  I've even been  using Him to look and sound more spiritually mature.  

As time has gone on I can see that I love Jesus, I really do, but my efforts to know Him and love Him more are not for His benefit and so I can spiritually know Him better.  No, it's because someone told me that it is only when I really love Jesus that I really can love my husband and my kids, and I really want to love my husband and my kids.  It's because I know I'm expected to have some wisdom shoot out of me like canon balls on Sunday mornings during Sunday school and on Wednesday nights during girl's group.  It's because I need some new ideas for blogging.  It's because I need people to think that, spiritually, I'm a rock star. 

Guess what.  I'm not.  I'm a user. 

I'm tired of using Jesus for the outcome.  It's time I love Him for the journey.  The outcome will be what it will be.  I hope that I do have some inspiring words to share, both verbally and written, but I hope more that it comes from an outpouring of love and respect and admiration that I hold for such an amazing God.  I hope that what He has to teach me allows me to parent better, love deeper, and be forever more intimate in my relationships... but I hope it mostly makes me more intimate with Him.  

My prayer is that I can love Jesus because He deserves it, not because He first loved me, not because of anything else He has done for me, but because He is Jesus, He is God, and He is due all praise.