The Things Worth Missin'

Three years in Texas have sped by -- I mean, super speed.

Maybe it's the frequent trips back to where 'home' once was.

Maybe it's the incredible people we've met here (and the ones we still love back home).  *Que Girl Scout song, "Make new friends, but keeeep the oooold, one is silver..." Ok, you get the gist.

Anyhow - It daily rocks my world that DD is now older than DS was when we moved here.  It also takes me by surprise knowing Texas will be all she has ever known.

Around the time of DS's birthday this year, he will have lived here longer than he lived 'back home'.

I'm even at that weird state of wondering what to call 'it'.  For me, and my 27 years having lived there, the roads are still as familiar as the back of my hand.  I could probably drive them with my eyes shut. So, naturally, 'home' comes out of my mouth, but it is very much not home to my kids, and not really to my hubs, either, who spent some time there, but not as much as I did.

All that said to say, the pivotal 'missing home' milestone is fittin' to happen.

It is on the horizon.

It seriously makes my eyes well up and my breath catch in my throat.

DS starts kindergarten.

I know, I know, it's a milestone they all go through.  I get that.

I also know that there's been many a momma with a handful of tissues and eyes full of tears on the first day of school.

But I've dreaded the coming of this day since we moved to this state.

Home - well, home was where everyone knew everyone.  Home was the land of no secrets.  Home was comfortable.  The elementary school was no different.

I walked those halls multiple times weekly.  I've been in almost every classroom substituting.  I've got a good read (or HAD a good read) on all of the teachers there.  There are very.... VERY ... few I'd be worried about my son being placed with.  I could be walking the same halls as him.  Smelling the same smells.  I know the schedules up and down.  I know the kids he'd be in school with.  I know which hot food lunches to steer him from, and which ones to encourage him to try.

I know the administration.

I know the staff.

I know the nostalgia of having your dad say, "She was MY first grade teacher when I was in school!" Something I will never say to my kids.

I'm coming to grips that this is 'ok'. DS is smart. He will flourish. He makes friends well. But, oh to know the halls he walks better. To pass him and shoot him a smile throughout the day. To know how a teacher runs and manages her classroom. To have open dialogue.

I'm sure as the year continues I'll be more at ease, but since the day we've left I've mourned the loss of - of all things - the school district that I walked out of... even when I'm walking into one of the best in the entire state of Texas.

Those are the things worth missin'.