The Honeymoon Period

For those of you readers who are married or dating, do you remember that time with you significant other where you 'fell in love?'  The giddy time, the excited time, the wonderment, the enjoyment.... you know what I mean?

For Aaron and myself, I look back on trips we made to Sams, and hanging out at the Rink (those were the days).  I think back to visiting his parent's in Fenton and how forward I looked to taking those trips.  It goes even deeper, I can remember the smell of his apartment and his cologne, the look of the inside of his car, and how the sound of his voice made me smile.  I can remember how it felt holding his hand the first few times, and how I loved just being with him.  I was 'wooed' into his presence.  Everything about him made me happy, and thankful, and it made the rest of life worthwhile. 

And that was almost 7 years ago, now.  I can happily say that it still feels like yesterday, but we'd both be lying if we said that the toll of 'life', bills, busyness, and even kids hasn't made a difference in our 'honeymoon' feel.  Granted, I still experience those moments with him, often more times than not, but it benefits me to be able to spend some time and look back on what it was about him that drew me to him... to feel the wooing again, to remember the smells and sounds and details of our falling in love.  It rekindles that spark in me, and it shows me how far we've come. 

Such is our lives with Christ.  In a desperate, depressed, lonely time in my life I turned to Jesus in a way that I hadn't ever before.  My salvation actually became intimate to me, like finding love for the first time.  I can remember feeling God 'woo' me in with His spirit.  I can remember the joy and the realness of reading His word.  I shed many tears during this period over the undeserved love that I found.  The desperate, depressed, lonely girl that once existed was still lonely by human standards, but was completely fulfilled in the arms of  Christ.  It was our honeymoon period, it was the moment in time where I fell in love with Jesus (He already loved me.) 

Words cannot adequately explain this time period in my life, nor can it explain the depth of this relationship with Christ that I felt, but I know it's a period He desires all of us to experience. 

Did I always want to read my Bible?  No.  Did I always feel like praying and listening to God speak to me?  Not really.  But my desire to know Jesus better and to love Him more intimately was the motivation for me to do these things. 

Do I always want to 'talk' about things with Aaron when we're fighting or things feel 'off'?'  Do I always want to take the time to hash out life and details with him?  Do I always want to show him compassion when I feel I've been wronged?  No, but because I desire to know him and love him more intimately, these are the things I do to accomplish that. 

And just like my honeymoon period with Aaron, the tolls, and busyness, and demands of this life often get in the way of that intimate relationship I want with Jesus.  Sometimes I long for the time of that desperate, depressed, lonely girl who had a passionate, intimate relationship with the Creator of the Universe, but looking back I see where we've been together, and what He has brought me through, and if I really think back and reflect on that initial intimacy I spent with Jesus, when I really fell in love with Him, the more I remember why I did.  I remember the songs that pierced my heart and the many tears I wept, and it brings me to that place again. 

I'll leave you with this, a song that I listened to multiple times daily, during this time in my life, and it rings to once again.  Enjoy:
When I Found You
By the Tree

Some days I think and I wonder how it all began
The first time I came to understand
Your love was real to me
More real than anything

When I found you,
That's when I found you for the very first time
Your glory all around
When I found you,
You came into my life and made everyday brand new, when I found You.

I long to explore the mystery of leaving it all behind,
And find you beyond this crowded life
I know there's got to be more
Wont you bring that day back again

When I found you,
That's when I found you for the very first time
Your glory all around
When I found you,
You came into my life and made everyday brand new, when I found You.

Well it's got to be
awakened in me
I've got to see reality
Come make a way
Awaken that day in me

When I found you,
That's when I found you for the very first time
Your glory all around
When I found you,
You came into my life and made everyday brand new, when I found You.

When I found you,
That's when I found you for the very first time
Your glory all around
When I found you,
You came into my life and made everyday brand new, when I found You.

A New Milestone and Being Prepared

Totally unrelated from one another, I know, but I thought I'd mention to very important things for this fall day.  First, every milestone is one to celebrate, and I can say, as of about 11:30 this morning, that I have officially cut Bryton's fingernails for the first time in probably a year.  No, I'm not a gross, neglectful parent, he has apparently stopped biting them long enough for them to actually be able to be cut!  Don't get me wrong, they weren't long by any means, but by golly, I could see white on almost all of them, and I could feel one or two when he'd hold my hand.  Before he got any ideas, I got rid of them! :)

Number 2:  here's a lesson on preparedness (or the lack thereof, as I'm not sure if I'm really being 'prepared' or if I'm ill prepared, I guess the next few days will tell.)  I decided to get all of our halloween costumes out today to check them, go over them, try them on, and hang them (to dewrinkle).  I wanted to make sure we are set for Thursday night's trunk or treat.  Sure enough, Bryton's Santa costume is minus a hat (which was supposed to be included... grrr.... gotta send an email to the company),  Aaron's costume is the easiest fix, it needs an extra piece of velcro or a pin in just the right place, and me, well mine was a 'make yourself not panic, we'll figure this out' type of moment.  To put it lightly, I'll be doing some costume surgery on mine, and I'm not panicking over it just yet.  So, I now have two days, kinda, to find a toddler size Santa hat (what is Santa without his hat), add a small fix to Aaron's and completely disassemble and reassemble mine!  Guess I'm glad I looked today and not on Thursday! ;)

More words of wisdom later, as I discover them myself...
-a

An Internet / Computer Semi-Fast

I've a little bit had it with myself.  I'll be upfront and honest, the biggest thing I've been feeling conviction for lately is the way in which I choose to spend my time.  It's a huge pet peeve of mine now to be a good steward of money and responsible with our finances, but God's been really speaking to my heart about being a good steward of my time as well.  I'm watching Bryton grow up before my eyes, and I don't want to look back and think, "I was couponing when we could have been playing ball... I missed it."  Does that mean I'm giving up couponing?  Heck no!  Are you kidding?  It is my job.  It is how I contribute to our 'income.'  What it does mean is that in an effort to better prioritize my time, I'm making myself go on a internet / computer semi-fast. 
Here's the deal:  I spend most of the day off and on searching deals, checking blogs, looking through coupons online, etc.  Sure, I find time to do stuff around the house and to play with Bryton, but I don't want to have to 'find time', to do those things anymore, and like my miscellaneous budget and my grocery budget (the two places we have to 'take money' from in order to pay the other bills), the place that I have to take time from (which is also a limited resource), is my time spent on the computer. 
Of course, I can't completely, nor do I feel like I should, give up the computer all together.  No, my hobby (saving money), and our finances count on the work I do online.  (And, yes, I consider it work.)  There are basically two things I do on the computer:

• Things I need to do:  Couponing, bargain hunting, swagbucks searching / winning, contacts, bill payment, picture / video work and editing, youth stuff and blogging.  I'm including blogging because I'd love for it to be a source of income for us someday.  
• Things I want to do:  Check up on facebook, blog (because I love it too), research different things, and keep in touch on my 'bump board.' 

So I've come up with a plan to try - it's experimental so we'll see how successful it is for me.  It's up for the tweaking.  Rather than spend all morning every morning sitting at the computer and then coming back to it over and over and over again, I'm limiting myself to one hour between the hours Bryton gets out of bed (8:00 a.m. is a good estimate right now) and the time Bryton goes down for his nap (about 1:00 p.m.).  I can split that hour up however I want, so that I can check 'deals' at least twice in that time period (some don't last long).  This morning, I did a lot of things before I let myself get on the computer, then I spent a half an hour from about 9:15 - 9:45, then I came back and checked it all just after 11. 
During Bryton's naptime life is fair game.  I call this my 'Alicia time'.  Alicia time is pretty safe for me because if I have 3,000 things on my to-do list, I'll use my Alicia time to get them done and stop stressing about them.  But if I want to be on the internet the entire time Bryton's napping, so be it.  The same if I want to watch a movie, eat something I wouldn't normally let Bryton have, or work on a project, anything is fair game.  Naptime has been iffy lately, it's normally at least  two hours (normally), but could last as long as three.  Rest assured, it's rare I can spend an entire 3 hours online straight... but if I want to, hey, it's Alicia time.
Then from the time Bryton gets up (anywhere around 3 or 4) to the time I go to bed (yes, me, I'll explain in a minute), I'm giving myself an hour.  Again, I can break it up as I so choose.  I debated about this one, because if Bryton gets up at 3 and I don't go to bed until 10:30 or so, that's 7 1/2 hours I have that I could check swagbucks, deals, etc. I fiddled with the idea of giving myself an hour and a half, but chose not to do that just yet.  Here is why:  I've discovered that when Aaron is home and Bryton is up, I don't have near the desire to get on and check things.  I enjoy watching them play and spending family time together.  So, typically when I get on the computer, it's around 9 after we've got Bryton taken care of and put down.  So my time spent on the computer then is time not spent with my husband.  Giving myself an hour and a half would be the entire time from Bryton going to bed to me going to bed.  SO - what I'm going to do is allow myself any spare 'morning time' that I may have left over from that day and use it in the evening, but that time has to be used before Bryton goes to bed. 
Whether or not I really even need an hour in the evenings is debatable.  I like to check all of the deals again, update myself on facebook (when the students are usually on), and recheck my email to have it cleaned out for the next day (couponers get a loooot of email). 
So, again, this is an experiment.  We're going to see if it works, see if it allows me more time with Bryton and more time to feel like I'm accomplishing things at home. 
Just today I've finished (so far) 3 loads of laundry (and hopefully 3 more to go), ran to WalMart for a few things (that I couldn't buy at Kroger), planned our week / weekend (which is abnormally busy), and made one heck of a list of things that could keep me veeeerrry busy over the next couple weeks...
I'll keep you posted on how it goes! 
-a

Highly Emotional

All in all my pregnancy with Bryton was a cake walk.  I swelled like crazy at the end and developed some platelet issues, but all very minor things in the big scheme of it all. 
You all know from what I've written that this pregnancy has been completely different.  Another thing to note... I'm insanely emotional.  Like, whoa. 
See, this is something I prided myself in (I know, I know, pride before the fall) when I was pregnant with B.  I had one small emotional breakdown in the doctor's office when I told my doctor that my wedding rings didn't fit anymore.  She laughed, I laughed, and I barely shed a tear. 
Oh no!  Not this time!  Nope, this time I'm a walking sobbing machine!  It is very annoying!  It doesn't really matter who I am talking to, what we are talking about, or if there's anyone around at all.  It is triggered in a moments notice, no warning, no explanation, boom, not just tears, sobs. 
I've at least gotten to the point that I can laugh about it, usually while it's happening, but it's still extremely annoying. 
Here's just a few examples (the most recent ones that I can remember) of what I'm talking about:

• Just a couple weeks ago I was talking to Craig about reformed theology, completely burst into tears in the middle of the conversation.  Sorry, Craig.
• Aaron and I went to see "Life as We Know It" in the theater last Saturday.  Cried at multiple parts of the movie, and sobbed loudly during one part that wasn't even sad.  Had to tell Aaron to 'shut up, I'm pregnant.'  (P.S. - good movie, and not sad at all, unless you are pregnant, have kids, and think about having to leave your baby with someone else to raise them... never to remember you ever!  Ugh.  Still a good movie.) 
• I'm working on a 'special project' for Christmas this year, and Bryton and I were looking over it today, and I completely lost it.  Poor guy was looking at me like, "mom, what is your major malfunction."
• Was talking to Aaron in his office today (notice all of these that are in the past few hours?) about separating our miscellaneous budget up so that our haircut money doesn't have to come out of our blow money.  Cried during the end of that conversation. 
• Had to continue working on the said project listed above, can't even look at it without crying so working on it for 45 minutes, yeah, that was fun. 

And the list continues, these are just within the last week or so... imagine a whole pregnancy of this fun.  Luckily, Aaron has been more than understanding, and actually can laugh along with me... which is much needed!  (Unless there's a time when I'm not laughing, then, babe, don't laugh.  It might get ugly. :)
So apparently all of these extra female hormones that Ansley is producing is enough to have me a complete basketcase!  Fun!  :)
-a