You Don't Have to Look in the Mirror

I'll go ahead and warn you, females, this may attack every insecure bone in your being.  It did me. 
Growing up as a female is hard enough.  I mean the hair and the make-up, wearing the right clothes, being the right shape, hating the number on the scale, and worst of all, the constant comparing of yourself to those other 'people', either classmates or celebrities.  It doesn't matter.  It's a constant wrench of the heart. 
If you are a female and have never felt a little insecurity about your appearance I would either call you arrogant or blessed.  It seems to have plagued us all at one point in time or another.  I know it has me, more often than not.
So fast forward out of high school some to 2008 when I became pregnant with Bryton.  Don't get me wrong, I was excited for a baby, and even excited for the 6 month baby bump, but I had heard horror stories about what the post baby body would look like and how it would 'perform'.  I was a little less than stoked. 
Checking my tummy out wasn't the first thing I did after Bryton was born, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't thinking about it.  I was. 
Two years past that, now, I have to admit, I think I was lucky coming out of the hospital looking like I did after Bryton was born.  I don't expect it to be like that after round number two, that's for sure.  But regardless of how I came out, I did suffer, shortly, with a deep sense of mourning my old 'self'.  My flat tummy, with my tiny belly button and no stupid line (which I still have by the way, 18 months later).  Now, the most evidence of my pregnancy is that line and a much larger belly button, not to mention a small evidence of a 'baby' bump that can easily be 'sucked in' if need be.  I don't suck very often, too much work.  Lol. 
So all of that being said, we took a trip to Holiday World the other day.  (I know, right, how are these related?)  The relation comes in the waterpark, in a swimsuit, with 1,000 other females with different bodies, different shapes, and different histories, and me, my line, and my nickle sized belly button.  But you know what I didn't find in that waterpark?  Insecurity.  For the first time ever.
Even in High School waterparks meant constant comparisons, wishing I had her hair and her legs and her boobs.  Let's be honest, here.  By the time the day was over at that point in my life I was miserable from the constant self bashing I'd faced.  I wasn't good enough, pretty enough, or enough period. 
This waterpark experience, however, had me paying even more attention to other females.  Shapes and sizes and cellulite and odd birthmarks and gray hair, and wrinkles, and less than flat bellies, and you know what, all of the women I saw were beautiful, but not one of us was perfect.  No flat stomach, perfect complexion, wonderful shapes to be found.  Even the younger ones, 'in their prime' so to speak, had some cellulite on the back of their legs or a little extra around the tummy.  Yet they were gorgeous girls. For the first time I felt no need to make any comparisons, and I, honestly, not one time, thought to myself, I wish I could have her _______________ you fill in the blank.  
Nope, I love this body.  This is the one God gave me.  This is the one that carried that precious cargo of mine, and I cherish every evidence of it, silly line and giganto belly button and all. 
Don't get me wrong.  Female hair loss and spider veins run in my family... so one of these days, God willing, I may spend the vanity money to have those taken care of, but you know what, I don't have to look in the mirror to know that I'm beautiful and created in the image of a beautiful, loving God, who created all those other women in their bathing suits the exact same way. 
Where God is, beauty always reigns. 

-a

Winner Give-Away Shopping Results

Well one month of couponing has left me with the final result for my give-away winner, Rachel!  I wouldn't have ever thought I would say this, but I was in search for such great deals to fill her bag as much as I could, that I've been going crazy these past few days trying to find a way to spend the rest of the $10.00 that I had set aside for her.  I even have $1.00 left that I'm going to just put in her bag that she can put towards her own coupons, or even use it as a coupon for something they need :)
So here are the results.  Rachel won:

1 Old Navy Reusable Tote
2 Reach Toothbrushes
1 Container Pampers Wipes
1 Box Soccer Crunch (Cap'n Crunch Cereal)
1 Schick Hydro 5 Razor
1 Bag Oxi Clean Max Force Laundry Detergent Tablets
2 Always / Tampax samples
1 Old Spice Fresh Collection Deoderant
1 Kool Aid Fun Fizz Tablets
1 Uncle Ben's Rice Pouch
1 Box Nexcare Bandages
1 Tube Revlon Lipstick
1 Benadryl Itch Stick
1 Dove Deoderant
1 Johnson's Buddies Sudzing Bar                             
1 Bottle Garnier Fructis Conditioner
1 Tresemme Freshstart Dry Shampoo (which every busy mom needs)
1 Ban Deoderant
1 Bottle of Dawn
1 Old Navy Outfit for Paisley
1 Old Navy Shirt for Wyatt (her twins ;)
and....
1 $1 bill :)
Not bad for $10 ;)   (Considering the total before sales and coupons was more like $70.00.  Seriously, I kept total.) 
Congrats Rachel!  Hope you can use some of this stuff!

Jobs

Here's a random blog for you, it's completely about my indecisiveness / obsessiveness in the employment category.  If this blog doesn't frustrate you by the end of it you are a special person... it means you can handle my indecisiveness. 
Let's see.  As I write this it is June of 2010.  I have surpassed the 2 year mark from graduation with a Bachelor's degree.  It seems, while growing up, I heard over and over by family and teachers and mentors that education was very important.  To live well (financially) and to be successful (in whatever sense that means) you needed to have at least a bachelor's degree. 
So there you go.  According to the bulk of my advice, I should be financially well and somehow successful.  And maybe we are.  I mean, financially we get around okay.  Things are tight, for sure, and there's not a lot in the way of "splurges", but we are making it.  Success, well, getting through a week as a stay at home mom is success in and of itself.  All of that being said, I wonder why I wasted my parent's money (thanks mom and dad) on college.  I need no degree for what I'm doing now. 
And don't get me wrong.  It's not that I have no desire to be doing anything, no, it's that what I want to be doing seems impossible and 43 worlds away.  AND, what I want to be doing, well, doesn't necessarily change, but rather is about 10 different things.  You think this would make my predicament easier... I have several things I would be happy doing, unfortunately, I have no idea how to get started with any of them... or, they aren't feasible in some way shape or form.  Here's my life ambitions in the career world, check them out with me:
1.  Stay at Home Mom
           -  If you say this isn't a job then come do what I do for a week.  It's by far the hardest job (but the most rewarding) I've ever had.  All in all, though, I love it.  Even if just while my kid(s) are out of school, I would love to get to be the mom to take my kids places and grow them and teach them up until they are in kindergarten.  The downside with this one... money.  Unfortunately there is no pay for being and home and enjoying your kids ;)

2.  Ministry Somewhere
          -  This is, afterall, what my degree is in, but this one seems the most impossible.  What in the ministry world would I like to do?  You name it.  Ideally, I'd love to do youth ministry, particularly girls (but I'd even serve in a secretarial position) or educational ministry.   The hard part with working in a church as far as ministry is concerned, I'm obviously never going to work at any other church besides the one I attend with my husband, and that makes this goal seem impossible and unattainable, which is a HUGE bummer. 
            Aside from this kind of ministry, I'd also be willing to serve on other non-profit ministries.  The downfall with this is that there are not many in our area, especially those with the financial capabilities to hire. 

3.  Teach
            -  Well this one is ix-nayed from the very get go mainly because I don't even have a teaching degree.  My degree is in religion (Biblical Studies).  So teaching in a public school (aside from substitute teaching), will never happen.  My only chance at this would be a christian or private school that would take me, or a jr college looking for a teacher in my field (which will virtually never happen).  I, at this point, have no intentions of doing anymore school, and honestly, with education in Illinois being what it is right now, who can blame me. 
             I am good at teaching, so maybe I can make some extra income teaching some couponing classes or something someday... who knows. 

4.  Entrepreneurship
            - Okay, if we are dreaming, here, let's dream.  Coffeeshop.  I don't have to talk much about this, because, come on, it's been mentioned in blogs past.  I would LOVE to open / run / manage a coffee shop / book store.  Not like a Barnes and Noble kind, but a small, intimate, hometown kind.  I love just thinking about it...

5.  Writer / Author / Blogger
            -  This one is very difficult for me.  I love writing.  Love it.  It doesn't matter what the avenue or assignment (okay, I wasn't that big of a fan of term papers and stuff, but anything else is fair game), I just love writing.  I know there are ways and that it's possible, but in the writing world you take huge risks in investing a great deal of time into a project that never 'makes' it.  I may be a stay at home mom, but I don't know that I have the time for such a risk.  Maybe that sounds lazy, but I'd rather be playing with my son than writing a book that only I will ever read.  If I knew there was publishing down the road, it'd be worth the investment.

6.  Work from Home
            -  Okay, not those cheesy work from home phone jobs or stuffing envelopes things.  I'm talking having some kind of hobby I could invest time in to sell product, or having a ministry I could do secretarial work from home, or blogging (see number 5) for a living from home, or even doing home based parties in a business (that actually made it worth your while).  That would allow me to be a.) a stay at home mom, and b.) a financial contributor to our household.  Jackpot! 

All in all, eventually in a career field I'd be looking for, a job I love most of the time, with reasonable / flexible hours, that is satisfying in regards to my mental nature and also is financially worth it, that stretches my comfort level to some degree, but proves to me that I can do more than I thought capable. 
I need an employer who recognizes my devotion to my family and to my ministry alongside my husband but also one who knows that if those commitments are honored, then I can offer similar devotion to my job. 
Now, just to find one of those.... hmmmm.

A couponing blog

It's time again for another couponing blog.  I'll try to keep it fairly short, so here is a short synopsis of today's deals:

Kroger:
1 Gallon of Bottled Water
1 Gallon Apple Juice
3 Totinos Pizzas
Green Giant Steamers Veggies
1 box Stick Butter
1 Banquet fruit pie
1 Box super pretzels (soft ones, yum)
1 Pint Starbucks Ice Cream
2 Pounds of Chuck Steak
1 box barilla pasta
1 box ronzoni pasta
2 Gerber Toddler Entrees
2 Jello Banana Puddings
Wheat Thin Crackers
Triscuit crackers
6 Reach toothbrushes
1 Can pineapple (in juice)
2 cans manderin oranges (in juice)
2 Pounds of bananas

Total before coupons and sales:
58.46
Kroger Plus Savings:
12.93
MFG Coupons + matchups:
15.99

TOTAL:  $29.54

WalMart
2 KC Masterpiece BBQ sauces
1 Hunts Ketchup
1 new Chipolte Mayo

$2.26

Walgreens:  (not near as good as I wanted, they were out of EVERYTHING I went for, except:)
Schick Hydro 5 Razor
Total $3.16
Received $4 in register rewards.  Free + overage!

Also at walmart I purchased my soft sleeves for baseball cards, that I'll be using to reorganize my coupons.  More on that later!

-a